Sir James Bond (David Niven)

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"In my day spying was an alternative to war. The spy was a member of a select and immaculate priesthood, vocationally d-devoted, sublimely disinterested. Hardly a description of that sexual acrobat who leaves a t-trail of beautiful d-dead women like blown roses behind him."
― Satirical reference to Fleming's 007 — Gnome-speakernotesListen (file info)[src]

Sir James Bond is a fictional legendary British secret agent, who is forced out of retirement to fight SMERSH. The character appeared in the unofficial 1967 spoof James Bond film Casino Royale and was portrayed by David Niven.


Sir James Bond 007, a legendary British spy who had retired from the secret service 50 years previously, is visited by the head of British Secret Service, M, CIA representative Ransome, KGB representative Smernov, and Deuxième Bureau representative Le Grand. All implore Bond to come out of retirement to deal with SMERSH who have been eliminating agents: Bond spurns all their pleas. When Bond continues to stand firm, his mansion is destroyed by a mortar attack at the orders of M, who is, however, killed in the explosion. Bond travels to Scotland to return M's remains to the grieving widow, Lady Fiona McTarry. However, the real Lady Fiona has been replaced by SMERSH's Agent Mimi. The rest of the household have been likewise replaced, with SMERSH’s aim to discredit Bond by destroying his "celibate image". Attempts by a bevy of beauties to seduce Bond fail, but Mimi/Lady Fiona becomes so impressed with Bond that she changes loyalties and helps Bond to foil the plot against him. On his way back to London, Bond survives another attempt on his life by a radio-controlled vehicle loaded with explosives.

With McTarry dead, Bond is promoted to the head of the British Secret Service (and inexplicably loses his earlier speech stammer). He learns that many British agents around the world have been eliminated by enemy spies because of their inability to resist sex. Bond is also told that the 'sex maniac' who was given the name of 'James Bond' when the original Bond retired has gone to work in television. He then orders that all remaining agents will be named "James Bond 007", to confuse SMERSH. He also creates a rigorous programme to train male agents to ignore the charms of women. Moneypenny recruits "Coop", a karate expert who begins training to resist seductive women: he also meets an exotic agent known as the Detainer.

Bond then hires Vesper Lynd, a retired agent turned millionaire, to recruit baccarat expert Evelyn Tremble, whom he intends to use to beat SMERSH agent Le Chiffre. Having embezzled SMERSH's money, Le Chiffre is desperate for money to cover up his theft before he is executed. Following up a clue from agent Mimi, Bond persuades his estranged daughter Mata Bond to travel to East Berlin to infiltrate International Mothers' Help, a school for spies that is a SMERSH cover operation. There, Mata foils Le Chiffre's plan to raise funds by selling compromising photographs of the world's military leaders in an "art auction". Le Chiffre's only remaining option is to raise the money by playing baccarat. After losing to Tremble, SMERSH agents raid Le Chiffre's base and kill him for his failure.

In London, Mata Bond is kidnapped by SMERSH in a giant flying saucer, and Sir James and Moneypenny travel to Casino Royale to rescue her. They discover that the casino is located atop a giant underground headquarters run by the evil Dr. Noah, who turns out to be Sir James's nephew Jimmy Bond. Jimmy secretly leaves the British Secret Service to defect to SMERSH to take a new role of killing spies. Jimmy reveals that he plans to use biological warfare to make all women beautiful and kill all men over 4' 6" (1.37m) tall, leaving him as the "big man" who gets all the girls. Jimmy has already captured The Detainer, and he tries to convince her to be his partner; she agrees, but only to dupe him into swallowing one of his "atomic time pills", turning him into a "walking atomic bomb". Sir James, Moneypenny, Mata and Coop manage to escape from their cell and fight their way back to the Casino Director's office where Sir James establishes Lynd is a double agent. The casino is then overrun by secret agents and a battle ensues. American and French support arrive, but just add to the chaos. Eventually, Jimmy's atomic pill explodes, destroying Casino Royale with everyone inside. Sir James and all of his agents then appear in heaven, and Jimmy Bond is shown descending to hell.

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